I seldom comment on blogs but today I did and I liked my comment so much that I've transferred it to my blog for safe-keeping. But first read the blog so you know what I'm talking about.
Here's my comment:
First of all, LDR IS aimless dating unless it is a temporary phase while you are both working towards a togetherness ending.
Every relationship is a risk but LDR is riskier. So why take the unnecessary risk in the first place?
In a normal relationship your joys are doubled and your sorrows halved but in LDR your sorrows are doubled - you get a telephone instead of a shoulder - and your joys are halved - some jokes are no longer funny when retold 'cos the context is lost.
Secondly, my answer to your question "Would you be okay with your partner allowing a friend of the opposite sex bunk in with him/her for an indefinite period of time?" is "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? WERE YOU BORN YESTERDAY?"
My mother used to say, "Which cat would turn down the offer of a fish for dinner?" Believe me, my mother is great with metaphors and her folk wisdom on gender relationships has withstood the test of time. I have seen the truth in them, especially the one I've given here, being confirmed over and over again.
Just one example, remember Julie who rented our Jln Delima house? She lost her husband to a woman who rode the bus to work with him every day. Mind you it was just a bus ride, not in the same car or under the same roof. Time together was also not so long compared to time spent together eating, watching tv, talking and laughing togther after work. The simple fact is that proximity leads to intimacy.
Not everybody is like you. Come back late from work and straight away lock yourself in your room. Never see your housemates at all.
It is also not a trust issue. Julie trusted her husband and I believe her husband did not set out to cheat on her but...you already know what happened.
And what's with the "indefinite period of time"? Does that mean you cannot ask the person to leave?
An "indefinite period of time" can end up being a prolonged period of time stretching till forever. What if you cannot tahan anymore and you ask the person to leave but the person refuses to leave. What are you going to do? Throw the person out?
The gender issue aside, all this allowing someone to bunk indefinitely is just asking for trouble. Why trouble trouble unless trouble troubles you?
If LDR is risky this would be putting your relationship at an even greater risk. Don't be a fool. Say no.
I'm saying it like I mean it.