Trust

Found this great article on Trust in one of the Girlfriends in God daily devotions I subscribed to. It's definitely a keeper.

July 18, 2008
Trust by Dori J. Thornburg

Today's Truth
Proverbs 3: 5-6.Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Friend to Friend
What do we have when we trust someone we love? We have the unwavering faith that they are always truthful with us. Truth in the words they say, truth in their actions, truth in the way they live out their convictions. Sometimes the truth hurts, but when said in love, can make us grow into better people.

When we begin to place our trust in someone, we begin to reveal our true selves to them. We break down the protective wall that was once wrapped tightly around our hearts, and we begin to let them in. We reveal our past, our hopes, our dreams, our disappointments, and our expectations. We, in essence, allow ourselves to become vulnerable.

When we trust someone, we assume he or she has our best interest in mind and we begin to love them unconditionally. We believe whole-heartedly that they wouldn't do anything to hurt us.

Our security in the relationship is strong and unbreakable when we trust. Our stamina to brave the storms is unwavering. We feel like we can conquer any trial life throws at us because we trust each other. Two are stronger than one. We are finally our true self.

But what happens when that trust is broken? Truth turns into lies. Revealing turns into confusion. Unconditional love turns into nit-picking. Our security is ripped apart and our vulnerable and true self is buried once again in the self-protective shell of our broken heart.

I have asked myself many times, why is it that we (I) trust someone and they always end up hurting us whether it be intentionally or unintentionally? The question that I should be asking myself is why do I place so much faith in human beings? We are all so flawed and eventually we all disappoint someone we love. Why do I not remember that I should only care to play to an audience of One, when He is the only one I will have to answer to at the end of this life?

Let's Pray
Lord, please refresh my mind each day to remember all of the good things in life that You have given me - a home, a husband, my healthy children, a job and friends who genuinely care about me. I trust You, Lord, to take my disappointment in others and mold my brokenness into a tool of trust and hope no matter what is going on in my life. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Now it's Your Turn
Wake up each day and thank Him for all He has given us.

Start a gratitude journal. Write one thing each day that you are thankful for even if it seems small. Write down what you will trust Him with and be specific.

More from the Girls
We often put our trust in our spouse or friends to make us happy instead of keeping our eyes focused on the One who is always truthful with us, always has our best interests in mind and loves us so much. We must remind ourselves that God is with us through every storm and disappointment that life brings us. He knows our true vulnerable selves, and He loves us more than we will ever know.

The Skylark's Bargain

Got this piece of wisdom from my dose of Daily Wisdom. It's a keeper so here it is:

The Skylark's Bargain - July 30, 2008

Someone once said, "Feather by feather, the goose is plucked." That applies to geese, and to us.

G.H. Charnley, in The Skylark's Bargain, tells the story of a young skylark who discovered a man who would give him worms for his feathers. Worms were the bird's favorite food, but a lot of work was necessary to occasionally enjoy this delicacy because they were scarce. The thought of an easier, better life was very attractive to the young skylark, so he offered the man a deal--one feather for two worms. The man accepted.

The skylark thought he had it made–no more hunting and working for food. The good life was his!

The next day the lark was flying high in the sky with his father. The older bird said, "You know, son, we skylarks should be the happiest of all birds. See our brave wings! They lift us high in the air, away from danger, and nearer to God."

But the young bird did not hear his Dad, for all he could think about was the man with worms. Down he flew, plucked a feather from his wings, and had a feast. Day after day this went on.

Then autumn came, and the man with the worms was gone. It was also time to fly south. The lark's family and all their friends began gathering for the long journey.

As everyone else flew off, the young skylark had to stay behind to face the harsh winter all alone. Why? Slowly, day by day, he had exchanged the power of his young wings for worms.

How Does This Apply to Our Lives?

The lark was surrounded by positive examples he could follow in life. Wise advice was available. But the lark rejected all of that. Instead, he was determined to satisfy his immediate desires, and failed to calculate the long-term costs of doing so. Consequently, he faced a harsh winter, doomed.

Thomas Jefferson said, "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure 'till you know there is no hook beneath it." Many careers, marriages and lives could be saved if Jefferson's advice were followed.

Most of us try to avoid making the big mistakes in life. But just as a goose is plucked feather by feather, we can create difficult situations for ourselves step by step. Whether it is untruths that are uttered, gratitude that is unexpressed, or faith that is not built and maintained, we are tempted to make and repeat small mistakes over time. As a result, we can end up like the lark--unhappy, alone, and maybe even doomed.

Don't take small steps toward big problems. Focus on developing strong wings of character and faith that will enable you to soar away from daily temptations that are so alluring.

And remember the lark–you also face a constant temptation in life to exchange wings for worms. Guard against letting that happen.

"A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil,
but a fool throws off restraint and is careless."
Proverbs 14:16

- Contributed by Rich McLawhorn to Daily Wisdom.

Heard Before Di!

"Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?"
(Francois de La Rochefoucauld, 1613 - 1680)

That is so true. I will begin to tell some interesting story and my listeners, mostly family members ('cos friends will politely hear me out), will come back with "You've told me, already."

So potong steam.

New Toy

You definitely know you are in your second childhood when all you buy on a trip to KL is a toy but this is such an adorable toy. I simply could not resist it.

The picture is frozen in time so it doesn't really look all that interesting. You should see this solar powered smiley baldy shaking his head from shoulder to shoulder and, at the same time, make his feet alternately go up and down. It'll put a smile on your face as well!

My Vow

To love is nothing, to be loved is something, to love and be loved is everything (Claire Dempsy). I have everything.

Once in a while in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale with a happily ever after ending. It's been 25 years and today, once again, I pledge to love you, to share my life with you, to be your friend, to stand by you, to treasure, cherish, honour, obey and submit to you.

I Don't Understand

Why does a bite of Char Koay Teow taken off someone's plate taste so much better than a whole plateful of your own?

Why does the little snippet of news gleaned from over someone's shoulders, or from the nasi lemak packaging, seem so much more interesting than when you have the whole newspaper to yourself?

25 Years

Time: 7.30pm
Day: Saturday, 19 July 2008
Venue: 32 The Mansion @ Jalan Sultan Ahmad Shah

We were gathered to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary. God was there that evening as He was with us right from the very beginning.

Ken & Mel after 25 years of togetherness

Has it been 25 years? Where have the years gone? I suppose it's true that time flies when life is good and as Kenny said, it's been heaven for us. (Do visit Pam's blog to understand why it has been heaven for us.)

Our anniversary cake with our replacement rings
nestling among the sugar flowers

The whole anniversary was sweetened by the presence of loved ones and great friends. What is joy if it is not shared with those we love and who love us? That night we were surrounded by the closest, dearest and the best among family and friends. We are blessed.

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be" - Source Unknown

Babee's Ear Infection

Babee's down with ear infection. It's times like this that makes being apart from your loved ones so hard to bear.

How I wish I could be there to yang yang her.

Did I Marry The Right Person?

Here's another forwarded article worth keeping in my blog library. Unfortunately the source was not mentioned in the forwarded mail.

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE
IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love .

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always :

"God determines who walks into your life.
It is up to you to decide who you let walk away,
who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

This Is How We Miss Out On Something Called "LIFE"

Got this forwarded mail from someone some time back. It's worth re-reading every once in a while to remind us that loving relationships are too beautiful for us to destroy them by blaming each other when things go wrong.

We miss out so much on life and love when we allow our egos, our pride, our hurts and all our self-centered concentration on I, Me and Myself to blind us to the needs of the one we love when they need us most.

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard.

His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died.

The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?

ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are
actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E.

Princess

She greets me enthusiastically when I come back from work. She cries pitifully if, for whatever reason, I have to leave the house again. And she will continue to cry until I return. In the morning she will be standing by the iron gate, all worked up and agitated as she watches me leave the house.

That is Princess, a Miniature Pinscher, who has found her way into my heart.

Princess waiting to be fed

Princess sitting senget-senget and looking longingly at her food before the "Go" command is given

According to her mistress, she came into our lives more than 12 years ago. To tell you the truth, I used to hate dogs and it was in response to my daughter's appeal for a pet that I finally agreed to bring a dog into our home. After all, if I cannot give her a sibling, the least I could do is to let her keep a pet. The very first time she asked for a pet she wanted a horse! so I really thank God for small mercies.

Right from the start it was clear how Princess viewed us. It was evident in the way she related to each one of us. My babee was the mistress, and rightly so, because she bought Princess who absolutely adored her; hubby was the master because Princess feared him and I was the slave because the feeding and cleaning up was soon left to me.

Then 7 years ago, my babee left home and Princess was left behind. Gradually, over the years, she and I began to bond as we grew old together. Now she is an old lady totally devoted to me. It's a nice feeling to know you are a significant person to someone, even if it's only a dog.

Princess today with white eyebrows and white hair around her mouth

Some things never change. She still has her signature senget-senget sitting position

As for hubby, he is still terrorizing Princess and provoking her into barking fits of frustration whenever he pretends to hit me. He says he is keeping her heart strong and giving her purpose in life (protecting me) without which she would not have withstood the ravages of time.

Princess has changed my perception of dogs. They are the finest example of unconditional love and undying devotion. A dog is indeed a (wo)man's best friend.

A Just Man

I went to a few florists for quotations but they were all so expensive so I decided to ask my sister to arrange the table centrepiece for me at a fraction of what I have to fork out. When I told hubby he made the following comments.

BTW, these are not his exact words, just the gist of it. I am lousy when it comes to quoting people verbatim.

Hubby: You always complain when our clients want to slash our prices so how is this different? It's not just the cost of the flowers, you have to pay for the time, creativity and the effort as well. And it wouldn't be fair for you to get their ideas and do it yourself.

I was so convicted. Hubby is the best. He is a just man who will only do to others what he would others do to him. I am so proud of him.

Hancock

Went to see Hancock last Tuesday. Such a sad movie. Two immortal superheroes who love each other but are forced to be apart because they lose their invincibility and become human when they are together.

Love is like that. We trade in our our invincibility for vulnerability when we open up our hearts to another person. That's when we truly become human. Our defences come down; the loving and hurting begin.

So be very careful who you give your heart to.

I Am No Coward

"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men." - Abraham Lincoln

There are times when it is good to mind our own business but there are also times when we have to speak up in order to do what is good and right. Even if it means we are maligned for our good intentions or other parties get upset with us.

If I've checked my heart and there's love within, if I've checked my mind and there is an absence of malice there, then I shall not sin and neither shall I be a coward, but I will boldly say what needs to be said.

Perfect Eggs

One of the pleasures of life is tucking into a leisurely breakfast and one of our favourite breakfast treat is soft-boiled eggs with toast.

There are many ways to enjoy soft-boiled egg. Some people like theirs all runny with the yolk uncooked and the white still transparent. When egg is served this way the only thing to do is to hold your breath and quickly down it. Yucks! The eggy smell is enough to make me puke but from the health point of view don't these people know anything about salmonella poisoning?

According to www.ochef.com, "the US Food & Drug Administration and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention advise against eating any raw egg in any form." And www.healthatoz.com warns that "improperly handled or undercooked poultry and eggs are the foods which most frequently cause Salmonella food poisoning. Chickens are a major carrier of Salmonella bacteria, which accounts for its prominence in poultry products. However, identifying foods which may be contaminated with Salmonella is particularly difficult because infected chickens typically show no signs or symptoms. Since infected chickens have no identifying characteristics, these chickens go on to lay eggs or to be used as meat.

At one time, it was thought that Salmonella bacteria were only found in eggs which had cracked, thus allowing the bacteria to enter. Ultimately, it was learned that, because the egg shell has tiny pores, even uncracked eggs which sat for a time on a surface (nest) contaminated with Salmonella could themselves become contaminated. It is known also that the bacteria can be passed from the infected female chicken directly into the substance of the egg before the shell has formed around it."

Besides abhoring the smell of uncooked or under-cooked eggs, I am paranoid (as you can see from the long detour above) when it comes to eggs and salmonella poisoning so I absolutely insist that soft-boiled eggs must be three-quarter done, almost teetering to the point of being hard-boiled. The yolk of the perfect soft-boiled egg must be firm with no runny portions and the white must have a tau fu fah consistency.

Ah! This is my idea of perfect soft-boiled eggs.

Hubby dearest will allow me first pick of the eggs and I'll choose the one that is ever so slightly more cooked. That's how finicky I am about eggs being cooked.

And one of the very few places in Penang that delivers such perfect eggs every time is Restoran Hai Onn at Burmah road.

Restoran Hai Onn formerly know as Hai Oan. Don't know reason for change in spelling.

My Comment

I seldom comment on blogs but today I did and I liked my comment so much that I've transferred it to my blog for safe-keeping. But first read the blog so you know what I'm talking about.

Here's my comment:

First of all, LDR IS aimless dating unless it is a temporary phase while you are both working towards a togetherness ending.

Every relationship is a risk but LDR is riskier. So why take the unnecessary risk in the first place?

In a normal relationship your joys are doubled and your sorrows halved but in LDR your sorrows are doubled - you get a telephone instead of a shoulder - and your joys are halved - some jokes are no longer funny when retold 'cos the context is lost.

Secondly, my answer to your question "Would you be okay with your partner allowing a friend of the opposite sex bunk in with him/her for an indefinite period of time?" is "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? WERE YOU BORN YESTERDAY?"

My mother used to say, "Which cat would turn down the offer of a fish for dinner?" Believe me, my mother is great with metaphors and her folk wisdom on gender relationships has withstood the test of time. I have seen the truth in them, especially the one I've given here, being confirmed over and over again.

Just one example, remember Julie who rented our Jln Delima house? She lost her husband to a woman who rode the bus to work with him every day. Mind you it was just a bus ride, not in the same car or under the same roof. Time together was also not so long compared to time spent together eating, watching tv, talking and laughing togther after work. The simple fact is that proximity leads to intimacy.

Not everybody is like you. Come back late from work and straight away lock yourself in your room. Never see your housemates at all.

It is also not a trust issue. Julie trusted her husband and I believe her husband did not set out to cheat on her but...you already know what happened.

And what's with the "indefinite period of time"? Does that mean you cannot ask the person to leave?

An "indefinite period of time" can end up being a prolonged period of time stretching till forever. What if you cannot tahan anymore and you ask the person to leave but the person refuses to leave. What are you going to do? Throw the person out?

The gender issue aside, all this allowing someone to bunk indefinitely is just asking for trouble. Why trouble trouble unless trouble troubles you?

If LDR is risky this would be putting your relationship at an even greater risk. Don't be a fool. Say no.

I'm saying it like I mean it.