Sunday, August 3, 2008

Relationships to the T

There are many types of relationships and I have basically put them in five categories. Since I'm a save-the-best-for-the-last kind of person I'll start with the one that is at the bottom of the list.


It is a tragedy in life to be in a toxic relationship where there is abuse whether physical, emotional, mental or verbal. The strange thing about those in an abusive relationship is the inability of the victim to remove herself or himself from the abusive partner because of the co-dependent nature of the relationship.

I know of one girl who was bashed up by her boyfriend. Both families, hers and his, as well as friends advised her to break off relationship with the good-for-nothing guy. She didn't and went on to marry him instead. Now she is divorced because the bashing continued during the marriage.

There's another kind of toxic relationship where there is no end in sight. The most frequent scenario for this kind of relationship is where one party is married or unwilling to get married and the victim keeps on hoping while the other party has his/her cake and eat it.

A toxic relationship is tortuous when one is in it and traumatic when one tries to break free but one must break free in order to live.


There is no peace in a troubled relationship which is very tiring to maintain one. Fights and quarrels are the frequent with one or both parties taking more than giving, keeping scores and generally being more concerned for the unholy trinity of I, Me and Myself than the partner.

There is hope for this relationship if the party or parties are willing to resolve the problem issues in their relationship.


Some couples progress from a troubled relationship to a tolerable relationship. Fighting is too taxing and since it is tedious to start the whole looking-for-the-right-partner routine they simply settle for keeping the peace and not rocking the boat. It's nothing to shout about but at least they are not shouting at each other.

This is settling for second best and ultimately brings resentment, especially if one partner is actively keeping the peace while the other continues with his or her unrepentent ways.


There is excitement and contentment in this relationship. If it sounds oxymoronic that's because some of the best things in life are two opposing truths held in tension. There is growth and progress because each partner brings out and nurtures the best in the other.


This relationship has withstood the test of time. It reminds me of the story of an old man who visited his wife at the nursing home every day. She has Alzheimer's so does not know him most of the time. When asked why he kept up the practice he replied, "She doesn't know me, but I know her." That is true love.

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