On the Wrong End of the Lens

Last night I expressed an insane wish that I wouldn't mind being the target of the paparazzi. Of course all the sane people around the table started to dissuade me, telling me of all the annoyances and trouble that I would be getting into if my wish were to come true. As if I don't know that.

Actually all I want is to be photographed. That's how narcissistic I am.

I bought a camera, not realising that that puts me on the wrong end of the lens. I don't want to take photographs. I'm actually lousy at that. I cannot even camwhore.

I need a photographer, not a camera. That would be great incentive for me to be well groomed at all times and to keep in shape - cannot permanently tuck in my stomach.

Too bad I don't have one. The photographer, I mean. Not the stomach, of which I already have too much.

Train Your Children Or They'll Train You!

I always appreciate our Song nephews and nieces who make it a point to meet up with us whenever they come back to Penang. It is always a delight for us to see them and their families growing.

Sam and Adeline were in Penang for a visit during the Raya break and they invited us for lunch on Tuesday, 21 August 2012.

Sam, Adeline, Jonathan and Emmanuel

We wanted to take them to Hot Tin Roof (a.k.a. Teik Seng Restaurant at Carnavon Street) but the restaurant was closed for the Raya break so we ended up at CRC Restaurant instead. In hindsight, the change of venue was good because it was more comfortable for us to chat in an air-conditioned environment.

Sam's parents came along on this trip and we were delighted to fellowship with them. They are such gracious people and so easy to get along (my kind of people). Adeline is really blessed to have such wonderful in-laws. 

A group photo after lunch. Sam's parents are at the back.

We wanted to pay for the meal as this is "our territory" but Sam beat us to it. And Sam's mom said that it is "yeng koi," meaning "right and proper" in Cantonese, that the younger generation should pay for the meal. Haha, we have reached the age of pay-back time.

Adeline's two children, Jonathan and Emmanuel, are now five and two-and-a-half repectively. They are simply adorable and such angels.

Emmanuel was very tired and so she slept in the car on the way to lunch. When they arrived they woke her. She may not be in a mood to be friendly but neither was she grumpy or grouchy. She still greeted us when her mother told her to.

Initially she was just a tad clingy with her mother but she eventually perked up. As the photo below shows, she very quickly warmed up to us.

Look at Emmanuel's kissable lips and the cheekiness on Jonathan's face.

Kenny, as usual, was a child magnet. Somehow children instinctively gravitate to him. Before long Emmanuel was asking him to draw animals on the napkin.

Draw an elephant Chek Kong!

Every time I go out with either Adeline's or Terence's families I am always impressed by their parenting skills. Their children are obedient and well behaved at all times. There is no banging of plates or screaming or shouting or running around during dinner. Without such disruptive behaviour from the children, the adults were able to carry on a decent conversation while keeping a watchful eye on them. 

Even when they are tired or bored they don't get cranky and neither do they whine or throw a tantrum. Towards the end of dinner Emmanuel, who had had her nap disturbed earlier, just climbed onto her mother's lap to suckle and then fell asleep. No drama at all.

These are normal, healthy, intelligent children so there are bound to be occasions when they misbehave. All that was needed was a sharp reprimand from either parent to make them toe the line. No screaming or issuing of threats or offering bribes. Just a simple "Stop it." The parents are to be commended for exercising such good discipline and as a result their children are so easy to love.

“Discipline is a symbol of caring to a child. He needs guidance. If there is love, there is no such thing as being too tough with a child. A parent must also not be afraid to hang himself. If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”
- Bette Davis

What many parents fail to realize is that they are doing their children a great disservice when they do not discipline their children. Nobody likes little monsters or spoilt brats. Unfortunately there are too many super-indulgent parents nowadays who do not set limits to bad behaviour which are very annoying for other people have to put up with them. These parents may not know it but they are on their way to raising social misfits and irresponsible adults.

They excuse their children's naughtiness by saying, "My child is too young to understand." Yet in the same breath they also say, "My child is so clever. He knows how to do this or that in order to get out of trouble." I can assure you that children who can lie, cheat or utilize deception or manipulative behaviour to their advantage are fully able to understand limits as well as consequences, whether good or bad, that result from their actions.

If condoning bad behaviour is not bad enough, some parents are actually rewarding and reinforcing bad behaviour by giving in to the child's demands when they exhibit unacceptable behaviour. Of course the children are going to learn that this is the way to get what they want.

I ran a kindergarten and day-care for five years and I have learned that children are natural psychologists. They are able to read adults like a book and somehow they intuitively know the right buttons to push for the different adults they meet in order to get their way. Trust me, if you don't train them, they are going to train you instead!

When it comes to raising children parents should do well to remember that...

"It's easier to build boys and girls that to repair men and women"

- Bill Wilson

Personal DNA Report

A long, long time ago 'bee did a personality test and the results were pretty accurate. Out of curiosity, I also took the test. The results came and after a cursory look I filed it away. I came across the report again a few days today. This is what it says about me.

You are an Analyst

• Your attention to detail, confidence, sense of order, and focus on functionality combine to make you an ANALYST.  

• You are very curious about how things work, delving into the mechanics behind things. Along those lines, how well something works is usually more important to you than what it looks like. 

• You find beauty and wonder mainly in concrete, functional, earthly things. 

• You are very aware of your own abilities, and you believe that you will find the best way of doing things. 

• Accordingly, problems do not intimidate you, as you believe in yourself. 

• You trust yourself to find solutions within the boundaries of your knowledge.
  

• You don't spend a lot of time imagining how things could be different—you're well-grounded in the here-and-now.  

• It is important for you to follow a routine, and you prefer the familiar to the unknown. 

• You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.

• You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

• Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

• Try to embrace the imaginative, creative part of your personality more often. 

• Try moving beyond the things that you find comfortable—open yourself up to a broader range of experiences.

You are Faithful

• Your trust in others, respect for tradition, and caring nature make you FAITHFUL. 

• Maintaining a few intimate relationships is more important to you than knowing a lot of people, and you share a lot with your close friends.

• Those who have managed to get close to you value your camaraderie, and they know that they can trust you with anything; you're a good listener. 

• While you can usually see several sides of an argument, you often have a strong opinion as to which side is correct—the order of things is usually clear to you. 

• Your perspective on the world is based on careful observation, and you know a lot about how people feel in—and react to—many situations. 

• Your exploration of others' feelings has led you to believe that although people generally act appropriately, having clear social rules is very important to a functional society. 

• Time alone for reflection is important to you—you are introspective and aware of your own feelings. 

• Faithful is as faithful does—you expect those with whom you are close to be loyal to you, and you take betrayal of your trust very seriously.

If you want to be different:

• Some of the alternate perspectives that you understand may have more value than you give them credit for—keep in mind that right and wrong aren't always so clear-cut.

• While you are able to reap the benefits of your time alone, and may see interacting with a lot of people as more tiring than exciting, remember that there is a lot to be learned from experiencing things and not just reflecting on them.

Is it accurate or not? Some comments from people who know me well will help to balance the findings above.

Before You Speak

A good reminder to me.

Do You Look Before You Cross The Raod?

I came across this quote which got me thinking.

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined,
and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.
- Stephen Hawking

God is sovereign but He has given us a great gift, the freedom of choice. We can simply sit there and accept what life throws at us fatalistically or do something about it.

Most of the time we rise up to the occasion and do something about it which is why “life is a sum of all your choices” (Albert Camus).

So what about you? Do you look before you cross the road? Or just step out and leave it to God to get you over to the other side?

Birthday Presents 2012

I love birthdays! The narcissistic part of me simply loves the attention that I get once a year. I love the parties, if there are any, and I love receiving and opening the presents.

This birthday I received...

A lovely blue kebaya from my colleagues and sarongs from Baby Sis

Hair clips from Day Bi and his darling

Chocolates from Night Bi and his sweetheart

And...

A box of Aesop goodies comprising Geranium Leaf Body Cleanser, Geranium Leaf Body Balm, Violet Leaf Hair Balm and Rosehip Seed Lip Creme

The Gift of Friendship

Melissa invited us for a home-cooked dinner on Monday night. Since we eat out everyday, an invitation to a home-cooked meal is always something we eagerly look forward to.

We were full of aniticipation and we were not disappointed. In fact we could not believe that the sumptuous spread before us came out of a home kitchen. But that should have been expected because Priscilla is an extraordinarily good cook.

What a yummy spread! Restaurant standard home-cooked food.

We dined on Dry Chicken Curry, Tau Eu Bak cooked with lean pork (the kind we like!), taukua and eggs, Assam Prawns, Jiu Hoo Char with lettuce, Fried Broccoli with Mushrooms, and Beef Soup with Radish and Carrots. 

CK is a really blessed man. Imagine coming home every day to restaurant-style cooking. After dinner the two girls cleared up, leaving the adults to chat. So ho mia (literally "good life" in Hokkien)! This is the blessing of having many children and having them around (no use if they are far away).

We had a wonderful evening with the family together with BA and Jessy. We went home with a warm feeling of appreciation for this rare and special blessing of the company of good friends that we are privileged to enjoy. 

This is what real, genuine, authentic friendship is all about – when you can be so comfortable with one other that things like lack of hair, skinniness or fat in the wrong places can be brought up freely in conversation because comments are made without malice and received without offence. As Ralph Waldo Emerson says, "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them!" We can just be ourselves.

CK and Priscilla are our old friends. We've known each other for 30 years but we weren't really that close for most of those years. We were all busy raising our children, taking care of our aged parents and making a living to spend a lot of time together. It is only now when our children are grown, our parents have passed on, and we are quite settled in life that we have the time to nurture our friendship and reclaim those lost years.

We have gotten very comfortable with one another, like a pair of old shoes. That night we even went to the extent of suggesting the possibility of some potentially unsuitable suitors coming to call on CK's two daughters.....just to see his reaction. All I can say is: Don't mess with him when it comes to his precious girls.

At the same time, a long history is not really necessary for a great friendship. We've only known BA and Jessy for 10 years, or slightly more than that, and along the way we have found them to be kindred spirits who are sharing, caring and very easy to get along. 

I think the key to a great friendship is the degree of "easy-to-get-along-ness" you share.

Some people are not easy to get along and most of the time it's because they are ultra-sensitive, taking every innocent remark personally. This makes it very difficult to have a normal conversation with them because you feel like you are walking on egg shells. 

You have to choose your words so carefully that you either end up not saying anything of substance, or not saying anything at all. Everything becomes very contrived. Even after taking every precaution and choosing every word with care, anything you say can still be and, very often, will be misconstrued.

Titus 1:15 is so applicable to people like that: "To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled." 

They think 

that people think like that 

because 

they themselves 

think like that!

I get very frustrated and demoralized around these people because nothing I say or do is accepted in good faith. But most of the time, I pity them. They must lead such sad lives – behind the high walls of defensiveness and across deep, wide moats of aloofness – always thinking that people are out to get them. 

As much as I want to be friendly to as many people as possible, I find it wiser and less troublesome to minimise involvement with such "prickly" people. Instead I try to spend more time with people who are easy to get along with and who don't have such hang-ups. More fun, less stress, live longer. 

  

You may think that this is contrary to the Great Commandment but I beg to differ. Notice that the Lord's commandment is to love our neighbours (including our enemies), not to like them. There's a big difference between loving and liking. I can sincerely say that I love them, that is, I wish them well, I will pray for and with them, rejoice with them and weep with them, but that doesn't mean I want to be stranded on a desert island with them! 

To quote Robert Louis Stevenson, "A friend is a gift you give yourself." Would you give yourself a gift that brings you sorrow? 

The Lord has blessed me with many good "gifts" in my life. I pray that I too, am a good "gift" to them as well.